Sarah - Baby Loss Awareness Special - Miscarriage
I felt: So alone.
I was: Heartbroken.
I needed: To talk about it, to know that others had been through it and I wasn’t the only one this had happened to.
Pregnancy and infant loss is: Having a picture or a dream of what your life is going to be, and then having it ripped away.
What has been your experience with pregnancy/infant loss?
In the lead up to Christmas 2016, all within 2 weeks, we had hit the life trifecta; we had just moved into our first home that we had been building for 2 years, we found out we were expecting after trying for only a few months, and we were over the moon to finally be engaged after 8 years together.
In early December we told our close family and friends that we were pregnant at around 6 weeks, and were excitedly preparing to host Christmas lunch at our new home, where we were going to share the news with the rest of the family. I celebrated my 27th birthday on Christmas Eve, and were busy getting everything ready to have around 30 people for lunch the next day.
We woke Christmas morning and had a nice family breakfast together. I went to the bathroom after breakfast and got a shock when I noticed some spotting. I calmed and reassured my over active brain that it was totally normal to have spotting early on, and not to be so worried. Just as our family started to arrive at about 12pm, I started to get intense cramps. I stayed in my bedroom, 1,000 things going through my head, but ultimately knew what this meant.
I went to the bathroom and there was a lot of blood. I noticed something in the bloodied tissue and didn't know what to do with it. I was devastated. I started to cry but couldn't go out to get my partner as he was welcoming guests and I didn't want questions as to why I was upset. Within 2 minutes he came down to check on me. I was so thankful. I asked him what I was meant to do with the tissue, do I just flush it down the toilet? It didn't feel right. About 30 minutes went by, I had to come out of my bedroom. Everyone had arrived at my house and they were asking where I was. I wasn't ready to have people know about what was going on, so I pulled myself together, put on a brave face and went out to join them, pretending nothing was happening.
We went to the doctors to ‘confirm’ the miscarriage the day after boxing day (as it was only A&E open on the public holidays), and had to wait another few days to have an ultrasound to confirm my body had done what it needed to do and there was nothing remaining that I would need a further procedure to remove, which thankfully I didn't.
How did this affect you?
It was devastating.
I had heard of 1 person that this had happened to in the past, and thought that it was very uncommon, as no one ever spoke about it. I felt so alone and couldn't understand why it was happening to us. Did I do something wrong? Eat or drink something I shouldn't have?
What was helpful/unhelpful during this challenging time?
My husband and close friends were a massive support. Having people to talk to, although they didn't have any answers, was a good release of expressing how I was feeling and what was running through my head. I was given some beautiful little tokens to acknowledge what had happened, and help me in the grieving process.
What support did you need?
I needed listening ears, and to be sad. I was sad for a long time. I still get upset from time to time about it, but have been fortunate to have had 2 beautiful babies since.
Any words for other families going through pregnancy/infant loss?
If someone you know is going through a miscarriage, my advice is to be a listening ear, check in on them, let them be sad (or any other emotion they need to be!). A little token or gift to acknowledge their little love is really beautiful. I was given a book I could write some thoughts and feelings in, and a friend drew me a beautiful picture that I still have up in my room 3 years later.
Anything else you’d like to share…
If you're going through it yourself, don't be afraid to reach out to others that have or haven't been through it if you need support. You don't have to get through it on your own.